I hate forgetting things

I don't know if anybody else experiences this, but I forget things. I forget a lot of things. Oftentimes I find myself looking intently into the eyes of my kids hoping to remember them as they are at this moment. They keep changing on me and it feels like everything around me is changing and I am not. I am a forward thinker, a visionary. I like this about myself except when it comes to recalling things from the past. they just drop out of site and I get caught constantly by those closest to me not remembering the most obvious of things. They gape. It sucks. I have tried to journal but it is difficult to keep up - just look at my blog :) My wife is good at taking pictures so I find myself looking through albums not just enjoying them but also intently studying them. I can see how folks lose their minds when they get older. It isn't that suddenly their synapses snapped and they can't connect the dots. It's that the gap between what they forget in the past gets smaller and smaller. Pretty soon they can't finish the thought they started moments ago because they've already forgotten the premise, the beginning. The cool thing about being a visionary, a creator, a dreamer, is that just thinking up ideas thrills you and creating something out of nothing consumes you. It's the Creator God in me. I can feel the sense of myself "hovering over the waters" and saying "it is good". Give me something to make. Give me something to do. Give me somebody who's hungry for change. I know there's a place in the world for me. i just wish I could remember more of where I've been so people don't write me off as scatterbrained...it isn't necessarily that I completely forget it. It just takes longer to recall. Longer than most people - that's evident. So be it. those are my thoughts at present.

the other

I can't stand mediocrity in myself. What is it in me that drives me to something beyond? something more? something other than this? I am a forward thinker - sometimes too much of one always thinking ahead and not paying enough attention to the present. Maybe it's the oldest child syndrome - the over achiever. Who knows. It's really frustrating when the present consumes my time such that i can't devote energy towards the future. Goals are 90% good to have. The other 10% of the time they are a reminder of what you can't ever seem to get to. I have to have a lot of patience to be me. Otherwise I am always frustrated. I am only really happy when I am working with 100% devotion time and energy towards one of my desired accomplishments...this can't be terribly healthy. Lord, help me to be content in the present paying attention to the now. Yeah, right now.

je suis tres fatigue

Ugh! I am tired this morning. Can't...get...going. Unable ...to ...move. Must keep ....head...upright.

San Fran

Well, work is sending me to Oakland, CA this weekend. They're sending me Friday to prep for a Monday meeting...which means I have all weekend to go across the bay and visit San Francisco - very cool. So cool in fact I'm bringing my wife, we've made arrangements to have the kids babysat, and we're going to enjoy a weekend get away most of the expenses paid by my employer. Nice. I think I was 10 or 11 last time I was in San Fran. i still remember the little trolley car I brought home that had a bell on it that rang...I wonder where that is. Probably long gone.

Rising_3

It still smelled like rain. The flowers in Mrs. Thelma's yard looked strong and were bursting with color. Even grouchy ol' Mr. Thatchet's lawn was super green. I rounded the corner just short of Ben's place and saw him leaving and going the other direction. "Ben!" He didn't hear me. I geared up on my board and sped towards him.
"Hey Ben. Wait up!"
"Aidan, what are you doing here?"
"Coming to see you, of course! The sun is shining and you know the guys have got to be heading towards the field by now. Where are you going?"
"Ah Aidan, I start working for Ms. Shelley today. You knew that."
"Ah, shoot. I forgot. I just saw the sun and was so excited..."
"Don't worry about it. I'm only working for 4 hours and I can catch up with you after that."
"Alright, you know where I'll be at"
"You know it!"
Ben took off towards Maverick's. Ms. Shelley was the owner of the place and it was pretty much the only ma and pop place left to eat in town. You could get a killer plate of french toast and they always had late night steak and eggs for next to nothing (a favorite with the local college kids). Ben had gone about finding himself a job because he knew he wasn't going to see any money from his parents. They weren't doing to hot. His Mom was in and out of rehab and his Dad was cool but he had a dead end job at the mine. I asked Ben what he was wanting to do with the money but it was always something different. When it came down to it, he was just trying not to end up like his parents. I felt for the guy. I was really blessed with a good family and the more I looked around the more I realized how rare it is to be in my situation. I don't know why God allowed for such things but I was thankful. It's a bummer when it takes seeing someone else in a worse situation to make you thankful...I hope I'm learning something here...Lost in my thoughts I found my way to The Spot. Sure enough, the gang was already at it. I went into the clubhouse and grabbed my glove and ran out to the field.
"Aidan! Want left-center?" Gavin shouted
I pounded my fist in my glove. "You know it!"
I ran out and found my position, crouched down with my toes dug into the grass. I found myself rocking back and forth with excitement. "Eh batter, eh batter!" we chanted.
Ah. Summer is here.    

over-editing

Every day I look at my short little attempts to write a story (my previous posts) and I edit them. It seems I just cant stop modifying and embellishing and....I think the more I edit the more I don't like it but every time I look at it I see something I want to change...Aghhh! I'm also noticing my tendency to write as if I'm speaking out loud. I find I narrate the story as I go. the problem with that is when I narrate I can put vocal emphasis on a word but not textualize it. In other words the reader may read the sentence entirely differently. Also, when I reread what I wrote on previous days it seems fast and choppy. I think by narrating it I'm screwing up my pace...not sure how to change this. Try to stop I guess. Well, I'm going to keep going and eventually my wife will get a chance to edit this story and she'll red mark it to death...which is great and what I want. Ciao!

Rising_2

The next morning I woke up with a start. I put on my boots and grabbed my coat. I had determined that I was going to tell Ben and together we would unveil the mystery. He was my comrade in arms, my best bud in the whole world. I could not start this investigation without him. as I walked down the hall I could hear my sister complaining in the kitchen that she wanted the Nemo cup. Apparently it was dirty and she was just going to have to make do with the plain old red plastic cup. Mom and Dad have always had the rule: "You get what you get and you don't throw a fit!" Ashley's only 4 and is still relatively new to the concept. Hopefully she'll come around because her piercing wale brings me to my knees. I ran down the hall and saw that Mom had put cereal and some muffins (I love it when she makes muffins) on the table. I was just about to sit down and pour myself some when something caught my attention at the window. Sunlight! Glorious sunlight. I laughed as I looked down at my clothes. I scarfed down my breakfast, ran back to my room and changed my clothes. I put on my baseball cap, grabbed my folder which had all my best cards in it, and went looking for Mom. I found her in the art studio getting ready for her day. She used to just paint for herself but then she discovered the art of teaching it to others. She loves it and she's really quite good. We always have people coming by to interview her or look at her paintings and stuff.
"Mom, is it okay if I go hang out with Ben today?"
"Did you feed Samson?"
"Shoot, no, I'll go do that. After that?"
"Yeah. Just be sure to call me if you guys decide to scale a mountain or some such thing."
Samson was the family dog, but technically he was mine. Apparently when I was too young to remember, our aunt's dog had a litter and I carried around Samson as a puppy for an entire day. To this day I hear about how terribly cute we were together and how Dad just couldn't say no. I hooked him up with some grub, grabbed my board off the back porch, and rolled my way down Billhurst Street towards Ben's.

Rising_1

It had been raining all spring. It seemed everyday I found myself at one point at the window looking outside and with a sigh I'd go off and try to find something to occupy my time. I enjoyed reading but it was the sitting still for long periods of time that got to me. It was during one of these moments that a moving truck pulled up and a couple of a guys got out wearing their parkas and began to unload. I thought wow, what a bummer to have to move all that stuff in the rain. They had to cover almost everything with big sheets of plastic and it was very muddy and therefore very slippery. Another vehicle followed. It was an older red Jeep Cherokee with rust stains on the side. A man and a girl quickly got out and sprinted inside. I didn't get a good look at the man but the girl...Well, she briefly looked my way as she ran in. I don't think she saw me but I saw her alright..and those big blue eyes. I stood there for another moment watching the movers and then the rain and then back again to the men in parkas. I walked away looking for something to do but my thoughts kept wandering back to my new neighbor. What was it that struck me about her? I've known pretty girls before and I've felt twitterpated a time or two. No, this was different. I think it was something I saw in her eyes, something deeper. I think I saw fear. Now I was curious and I was just going to have to find out more. Besides, what else was there to do until this rain stops?

Rising

Summary:

Sometimes life is so complicated. All Aidan wanted to do this summer was play some ball, add to his ever-impressive baseball card collection, and meet the new girl who just moved in across he street. Her name was Josephine, Jo for short. And all Aidan knew was the she was the prettiest thing he had ever seen. But this is not a story about a girl. This story is about that girl's family and what Aidan discovered in their basement one hot summer afternoon.

let's be real

It seems i am not a blogger. This is probably the third blog I have started and the gaps between the entries continues to grow. I think I need something to write about. A Topic. Or a story to write...

Here we go

There was a fire in Paris today. So far 20 have been confirmed dead. There was only one way out of the old hotel...one staircase and it was engulfed in flames. I wonder what I would have done being stuck on the top floors with my family. I wonder if I would have kept my wits. Only the Lord knows. I hope that I would.
Enough morbid thoughts. My brain can only handle so much before it says, "Steve! Why are you putting yourself thru this!"
It seems one has to put themselves in a morbid state to have something to write about. My wife can testify to this. Thus, I often have nothing to write about. I'm a talker. I like to have conversations. These wear her out. We are opposites in this and that can be frustrating but we make a great team with our very different contributions.
Ok, off to work.

old Jewish saying

"May you be covered in the dust of your Rabbi"

long layover

I am currently sitting in Minneapolis Airport with a mammoth of a layover, 8 and a half hours. It's all good though. It has given me a unique opportunity to read, pray, think. I also enjoy the people watching. I am so tired. Having just spent the last two weeks in Europe I had just started getting acclimated only to have to do it all over again. So, I must keep myself busy. Luckily I have my journal, a book called Hearing God by Larry Kreider, wireless internet access, and a Venti Caramel Macchiato. Mmmm...caffeine. Airports are very interesting places. So many stories that I wish I could know. If you listen and watch closely enough sometimes you get to find out. On one flight a lady got on the plane weeping. Her husband had just had a heart attack in New York and she was on her way to see him in the hospital. You couldn't help but overhear her conversation with the Hospital staff as she was asking for details on his status. On my flight here the gentleman next to me was from Sweden and was going to Denver to see his daughter (a twin) get married. he apparently has 6 kids...two sets of twins! Some people just look so interesting that I have to convince myself to leave them alone resisitng the urge to go and start conversations. Don't get me wrong. Sometimes this is good and I have had too many divine encounters to think otherwise. But sometimes it's just me wanting to be nosy. Some interesting thoughts go thru your head as you watch people walk by...."That father needs to tell his 12 year old to put on some more clothes" (that's the Father of two daughters speaking there...), "Hmm....wonder where they're from", "What language was that?", "What is significant about that basketball that women is carrying?", "Wow, that guy has a pink tie", "look at those adorable kids...man I miss my kids", "Someday I'll grow my hair long like that", "Mmmm...ice cream", "I want to learn sign language" ...and so on and so forth. Man, I'm tired. Three hours to go...

blogging: new territory

So, right now I'm a little excited. It looks like I might be going back to Paris. I can barely sit still. That's what's on my mind so I suppose that's what I should write about. You see going to Paris for me is not so much a touristy thing to do...we are considering moving our family there for a season (who knows how long). We have always felt compelled to go/leave/venture out there... but have been focused, and I believe rightfully so, on raising our chillins. Yesterday, out of the blue my boss suggested I go to Europe and visit some of our offices there to do some maintenance on many of the laptop and desktops over there. Then today he stops by and mentions his boss, the IT Director, was all for it. Holy smokes - this might actually happen :) (what you can't see as I'm typing is me glancing over at a picture of my wife in front a french villa in Prieure de la Chaise). Well, I need to go do some actual work now. I'll be back soon